February. The month i have spent all the other ones waiting for.
So i was discussing the other day with a couple girls the concept of God speaking to us, and what that looks like or should look like. I am the type of person who just craves to know God’s will for me, and wishes he would straight up tell me so then i can follow it. I have always craved clarity in my life… i can’t even tell you how many journal pages have been filled with cries for clarity in different aspects of my life. But that’s not how it works. God doesn’t just deliver concise, sensible truths about his will directly to me. Maybe he does to some people, but not this girl. Or maybe He does, and i just always miss it by not listening.
But after thinking about this for awhile, I kinda looked back on my life thus far, and saw wide brushstrokes of God’s hand swooping through my life and my ideas about my plans. You know what i found? Guidance, not clarity. I have desired things inexplicably, and gone directions that i might not have been planning on. Why? Because I’m under loving guidance. He knows me so well. I learn experientially — i have to be shown things and do them in order to get it. I don’t learn as effectively by just having something explained orally to me. Also, guidance takes a lot more trust than clarity. And trust is healthy. Plus, clarity kinda ruins things sometimes… makes things less of a surprise, or makes them sound scarier than they are.
Sorry if this seems rather random or irrelevant to you, but wow i just am so glad to have thought about this. It makes so much sense to me.
Currently listening: Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz & James Morrison